This story started in mid summer 1998, about a week before I was to leave
on a workshop tour. I called an office meeting with Mary, my wife, and
Shirley, my business associate, to tell them I was going to open my heart in
ways I'd never done before. I was not going to hold anything back and needed
to do this for myself and to complete my new book, The Power of the Soul. We
talked.
The next day Mary told me she didn't want to work in the office any
longer and had decided to follow her passion. She wanted to write and ride
her horses. I had been teaching for years how important it was to follow
ones passion in this life time and all three of us had been struggling with
this. I knew Mary wanted to pursue her own interests and the time had come.
I'd been encouraging her to follow her passion and understood her spiritual
connection with horses and art, but I didn't think she would choose work
that was different from mine.
We decided to sell the house and go for it. I needed to relocate my
office and find additional staff. I called a friend and quickly decided to
move the office to Santa Fe, New Mexico. Mary and I both have family in
Northern California, so she decided to live part time in Oakland and
complete several writing projects with her partner there. We planned to
commute between New Mexico and California.
As I left on my trip, I wondered what Spirit had in store. I only knew I
had to completely let go of the outcome. I felt upset and displaced. Lately
I'd been very disappointed that my workshops hadn't been fully attended and
I felt perhaps this was a sign that I was finished with my work here.
The information I shared in my workshops was the most important of my
life. It is vital information for our consciousness and transformation,
encompassing powerful secrets of the ancient mystery schools.
Over and over people approached me after a workshop and said the
information I shared on the eight brain states was on the cutting edge. I
took each workshop group on a journey through the first four brain states
which deal with biological survival, survival and status within our clan,
physical and mental dexterity, and our social and sexual roles in our
culture. Then I opened the door to the four higher brain states. Accessing
our higher brain states can cause a withdrawal from attachments to external
stimuli and are concerned with "time" - : body time, brain time, DNA time
and quantum time. They are accessed through our right brain and certain
consciousness expanding techniques. The four higher brain circuits also deal
with the control of energies within the human body, nervous system, DNA code
and structure of the atom. Accessing higher brain states helps a person be
safe in their body, feel they are the Sun and will change old imprints
forever.
So why were my workshops not full? I really got into exploring this issue
within myself and felt it was time to let my body go and explore other
worlds. I felt quiet. And sad‹sad about my children. I love them so much and
was afraid I'd not told them enough. Over the years I've been on hundreds of
missions for Spirit. I was tired of money pressures. I just wanted to give
my work and knowing away for free, but like most of us, I had to make a
living and support my family. Shirley was traveling and teaching with me at
the time and I told her how I was feeling. She was sad and tried to talk me
out of dying. I love the Earth but I had made up my mind that I was done
here.
As I completed the first weekend workshop on this tour, my sponsor kept
asking for more and more from me. Before I'd left on this trip she'd asked
for my help with her low energy and I'd given her a remote phone session for
free. A few days later she called complaining that she didn't feel connected
to me. She could not feel me and blamed me for it. I listened and told her
I'd given her 100%, but she wasn't satisfied. After attending my workshop
she again asked for help. Even though she hadn't done what she'd agreed to
do as one of my sponsors, I gave her, gratis, another Multidimensional
Cellular Healing session and a video tape. When she called and left a
message about $5 she thought I owed her, I was so upset I lost it. I told
her I didn't want to speak with her again and that she was totally out of
integrity. I realized I'd allowed her to pressure me to give more and
more and it wasn't a balanced exchange. There was nothing I could do to
satisfy her. She later called back and left another message stating that I
wasn't a spiritual man. She wanted me to reflect her ideas on spirituality
and I didn't cooperate.
Why are some people so rigid in their spirituality? Does this rigidity
create the same rules and structures as a religion where other spiritual
paths are condemned? Again, I was in a position to question whether my
spiritual journey here was at an end.
I felt emotionally fragile and on the verge of tears as I travelled to my
next event speaking at the Universal Light Workers Conference. I wanted to
hold back my emotions but told myself I needed to be more open and
vulnerable.
I knew I was dying.
When I had felt something like this in the past, it meant there was a part
of me I needed to let go of, yet this was different. This was total death. I
asked my guides to help me and give me a sign that I was still needed on
earth. They said they couldn't help me. I was no longer in this time because
I'd created a new time and hadn't invited anyone else. I was trapped in my
own world. It was safe but I could no longer create in the real, three
dimensional world. I was sure this meant the time for my leaving was close.
At the conference I told the other speakers what was happening to me and
they were very supportive. Not very many metaphysical teachers are receptive
to each other more like tolerant, but we connected in a new way. They were
so loving I cried and was afraid to be so exposed yet I knew this nakedness
was the key to the hidden side of my soul‹the power of the soul.
The next day there was a panel for the keynote speakers. I asked how they
were doing in their relationships how their relationships were changing. One
of the speakers talked about how painful letting go of his wife had been and
told a story about the time in his life when he and his wife were breaking
up. They decided they would lie naked together, talk about their feelings,
and cry. I was amazed at his honesty and how much he exposed himself to the
strangers in the audience. The other speakers, too, talked about the
difficulties they were having and I could see how fragile relationships are
today. I felt true friendship with this group.
I was emotionally drained as I flew back home the next day after being on
the road for three weeks. My house was on the market and people were coming
to look at it the next morning. There was no time to rest.
Searching for a safe place, I asked Mary if we could communicate during
this time by lying naked together, our bodies entwined, looking into each
other's eyes and saying what was in our hearts. She was afraid to be that
open with me. We had hurt each other in the past and were still healing and
learning to trust again. I was asking her to open herself more than she had
ever done before, more than I had done before. There was no way to hide when
you came from that place.
One afternoon, soon after my return, Mary and I were talking and laughing
over a story that had come in over the fax. We were planning to go to a
movie and she went to take a shower while I watched t.v. and relaxed.
Suddenly I heard her cry out. I went to the bathroom door and called to
her she didn't answer. The door was locked and I panicked. I banged on the
door and called to her again. The door opened. Mary was gray, frozen in
pain, and told me to take her to the hospital.
I helped her to the car and ran for Shirley's help. As I careened out of
the driveway, Mary gasped that she was dying her insides were exploding. The
hospital was fifteen miles away in another small Texas town. Shirley dialed
911 and was told all the ambulances were busy. I drove over 110 miles an
hour the speedometer needle buried as far as it would go passing cars on the
shoulder of the road and blasting my horn through intersections. Just as the
car started to overheat and the air conditioner died, we pulled into the
Smithville Hospital Emergency. The police had called ahead to notify them
and they met us with a wheel chair. Mary was in incredible pain and could
barely talk. I knew this was it. Soon a doctor told me she was in shock and
it didn't look like she was going to make it. I told them that if she was
going to die I wanted to be with her.
I sat next to her and held her hand. She knew how serious it was and
said, "It's OK, Ken. I'm going to die. It's OK for me to go. You'll be
better off without me."
I told her I loved her and was going to give myself totally to her so she
could feel my love. I put my hand on her stomach and prayed. I told her over
and over how much I loved her. We merged together and I felt a shift. A
warmth came over us and we felt the presence of God.
After a few minutes a nurse asked me to leave so they could continue
working with her. I found a desk outside and sat down, my head in my hands,
my hot tears dropping onto the desk top. In a few minutes someone asked me
to move because they needed the desk. They set their paperwork down on my
tears. There was no place for me.
A doctor came out and told me Mary had started to stabilize. They were
going to fly her by Starflight to Austin for emergency surgery. When Mary
was wheeled to the helicopter on a gurney, tubes and bags hanging, I
squeezed her hand and told her again how much I loved her, and that I would
see her soon. I told her to wait for me.
I walked back to my car and let Shirley drive. I slumped into the car
seat, my body trembling, watching the helicopter turn into a tiny speck. How
surreal to watch my loved one disappear in the sky as if she were going back
to God.
When I arrived at the hospital in Austin, a doctor showed me her x-rays.
There was something the size of a grapefruit inside of her obstruction,
tumor they needed to operate to find out what was going on. I asked for a
second opinion. It was the same.
I stayed with Mary until they took her into surgery, my hands upon her,
my energy connected to hers. I sat outside in the hall and continued to
pray. I visualized the mass inside of her disappearing. Thirty minutes later
two surgeons came out. They seemed confused. They told me Mary was OK, she
was going to make it. They had opened her abdomen up completely and
everything was perfect. They explained how they'd checked all her organs and
found nothing wrong. They didn't know what to make of it and had no
explanation for her crisis or the image on the x-rays.
This was a miracle. This was the sign I'd been looking for from my guides
but I never expected it to look like this. I became very quiet. How would
the rest of this amazing story play out?
Mary recovered easily. She was in the hospital for seven days and we talked
about that moment in the emergency room when I gave myself to her. She had
felt my love and it had given her the courage to stay. She told me how, before
this crisis, she'd felt like a total chicken shit, how she'd been afraid to
do what she needed to do to follow her passion. She'd been afraid she'd lose
me if she didn't support me the way I needed her to. She wanted to die. Only
my love for her had convinced her to embrace her fears and her pain and start
a new journey.
As we shared our thoughts over the following days it became clear to me I
was not the same man. What had happened? The answer quickly came to me. At
the moment I gave myself totally to Mary and her spirit coupled with mine,
the part of me existing in the alternate reality came home. I was back in
present time here, on Earth, fully in my body. My vibration had changed and
the energy of creation was, once again, flowing through me. I was finally at
peace.
What had those very strong feelings about my death been about? Since Mary
and I are spiritually connected as mates, had I had a premonition about her
death but thought it was about me? Or was it about finding the part of me
which was no longer in this time? Was I afraid to bring that missing part
back in? And if I didn't, would I have been lost would I have died?
Probably.
A week passed and I was on the road again, this time to Washington, D.C.
When I was there, the Starr report about President Clinton and Monica
Lewinsky was released. Spirit had asked me to help balance energies and
collective consciousnesses that had been created over time, and for many
years I'd been doing this work. In spite of all my energy work, the amount
of energy being projected onto the capitol during that time was something
I'd never felt before. It felt chaotic, like atoms colliding in a microwave.
As challenging as the situation was, I was able to easily stay focused,
clear and balanced as I worked with my clients. My passion to do my work was
reignited.
I talked to Mary on the phone one evening during this time and she told me one
of her horses, Sterling, was in trouble. He had come to live with us six
months earlier. He'd been a grand prix dressage show horse with the reputation
of being very difficult. The suspensory ligaments in both his hind legs had
been severely injured and the prognosis for his recovery was not
good. He needed at least a year of rest for the damaged ligaments to mend
and his owner decided to give him to Mary. Sterling came to our small ranch
to join our other two horses in the open fields where he could wander and
eat and heal. The big horse had been kept in a stall for the last twelve
years of his life and hadn't been allowed to play with other horses since he
was a foal. Over the course of a few weeks he transformed into a gentle,
proud giant the ruler of the pasture. He was a beautiful sight.
As Mary talked to me that night, I could tell she was worried. Sterling
was in a great deal of pain and could barely walk. His front legs had
started to break down because they were not able to take the strain of
supporting the additional weight he needed to shift off of his injured hind
legs. It was his time. Mary had called her veterinarian to put Sterling down
and he would come the next day. I felt frustrated because I couldn't be
there physically to support her. She told me not to worry. She knew I'd be
there anyway.
In the morning, Mary found Sterling lying down, the pain in his legs too
much to bear. She gently encouraged him to his feet and slowly walked with
him to where the vet would meet them, feeding him carrots all the way. The
other two horses wandered off to graze in the back pasture. A light rain
fell as the big bay horse licked sugar from her hands and the vet gave him
the injection. Sterling slowly dropped to the ground and Mary cradled his
head in her arms, stroking his neck, murmuring to him of her love, and
waiting. At that moment the other two horse came galloping from the back
pasture, their hooves drumming the ground. She had known they would come.
Had they heard their friend's call? Had they come to witness his journey?
Mary's mare, Sterling's favorite, nuzzled him all over as his spirit passed.
In those quiet moments, as her tears melted into the rain, she knew this
was the final chapter of the story that had begun that mid summer. As
Sterling's spirit passed before her, she was reconnected to her beloved
animals. Mary had given Sterling his freedom, and Sterling had returned the
same to her the freedom to Be. My love and support had given her the
courage to follow her passion and Sterling had shown her the way back to
herself. She was overwhelmed by the gifts she had received.
As Mary shared Sterling's passing with me, we realized the final lesson
of these remarkable weeks. All this talk about the end of the world,
Armageddon, was not about a battle in the outer world, Earth, but about the
transformation of our inner worlds. The Armageddon is about a struggle
within ourselves. How do we become more open than we have ever been before
so we can be vulnerable to receiving God? Who can we trust? Maybe we have to
start by trusting ourselves? Maybe we have to start with unconditional love
for ourselves and compassion for others? Will this give us the courage to be
open and let go of the form we are holding onto? Are we at a point in time
when our spiritual, mental and emotional bodies are collapsing into our
physical body and our physical body is reacting to any unresolved issues?
Will we physically go into crisis, will we feel we are going crazy, if these
issues are not addressed? Is what happened to Mary and me happening to
everyone? I am sure that this is true.
Ken Page, the creator of Multidimensional Cellular Healing, is an
international author, lecturer, empath and transformational healer. Ken
represents the cutting edge of dynamic healing and conducts monthly
workshops and private healing sessions throughout the United States and
Europe.
If you would like to know more about Ken Page and his work,
please look up our web site: http://www.kenpage-mch.com
You may contact us at:
Institute of Multidimensional Cellular Healing (MCH),
103 Childers Dr, Suite E-305
Bastrop, TX 78602
tel./fax: (800) 809-1290
e-mail: kenpagemch@yahoo.com
