Initiation
Deeper Self Love and Worth
A Privileged Life
Royalty is accepted
I am a 3-5-8-13 - portal spiral
I am a priestess of my own walk
I own it
the patterns alchemy synchronicity
the golden threads ~ the great Mind of the Math ~
Creation ~ Dark Matter
France, it has always been FRANCE !!!!
Truth
The Truth ~ my truth ~ the Doorways between it all.
I met an osteopath on the train from Heathrow to Central London on
Thursday to meet Vic at the Mariott near the US Embassy.
I had the experience of flowing thru immigration on British Airlines
-
BA, the favourite airline of the world ~ en route to Nice yesterday
~
The man I sat by on the flight into Nice said continental Europeans
are
much more engrossed in their culture, a different vibe altogether from
the UK, US's more forward industrialisation and inventions.... this
is
the Old World.
The room I will move into on Chalice Hill is an Arthur Miller room,
Kelly.
I remembered I am an actress forever also~
Expression ON animation brilliance force courage consciousness awareness
The Purfum WISH returns to me, this time I go to France, to the Wish
the same bottle was brought to me in 98 ~
I wish upon all the stars and I weep for this life
for my life
for this gift
of it all ~ I stretch out and spew out much more truer and freer and
wilder
pure lust and passion and desire for the livingness of this realm
to own the choices and flow in the higher design behind all the seams
~
the folds of the Self's creations
the Creatrix, the VOID dreamings awake
always always
dreaming awake ~
American Idealism has a purpose
the quest for the Ancient Future Primal Land
Camelot is the alchemy of the
Pastoral Middle Ground.
Patriarchy happened ~ there is the shadow ~ the unconsciousness ~ the
evil in this realm ~
and the purpose of duality, for the expression
and return
to Wholeness ~
and the Circle and Hoop that really is never broken ~ IS HERE TOO ~~
the quest for freedom liberation and
something so beyond survival
it is the honing of Self
the chisel the blade the sword
and beyond all motif's of war and the fallen matrix of a lost
civilization
there is a pure template of hope glory potential
even the dolphins can be cruel when the order is disturbed
there can be dis-ease in differentiated states ~
Bliss Music Rhythm ~ Saints~
The Baptist day - the severed Head ~ On a Platter ~
the Cauldron of Anwyn
Gnostic view of good and evil
and the trick questions we play with the many and the One ~
Keys trees doorways
apples merlin morgana again again
bAcK foRtH ~ return return return ~
walking the myths of our lives ~
I saw Rekie's wife Marianne on the Glastonbury Streets.
Isle of Glass.
I am the White Planetary Mirror.~
33 years this September ~
the number 13 is EVERYWHERE !!!!!
Michael O'Connell is a patriarch to me
but he has his own alchemy
tho this Morgana cannot leak energy
that doesn't focus on this exile
I can go to the castle but must
keep me feets in my faery forested rooms
and in between spaces for her breath
to awwweee itSelf ~
~ ~ ~ * ~
---->
I have been writing this letter in my journal to share with all of
you
and to sort out passages and thoughts for THE BOOK. Maybe I should
name
it the same main working title <I Am the Light of the World>
and change
the subtitle from 'the Mother's daughter speaks' to 'Morgaphdalenis
embodied' and create a mystery from that. Also I am clipping
from a few
posts that I have written to a couple of you, but please do re-read,
as
there is MORE woven together herein.
I am writing you from Magdala country, just outside of Nice in the South
of France, the most beautiful place on the planet, in my eyes of -that-
lineage of my soul. I can feel that mystery of this land so so
so so
deep in my blood and my bones... I am here for 2 days on a spur,
and
will go back to Avalon tomorrow, and move into a small bohemian cottage
near The Tor, on Chalice Hill, next week, to get cracking on my book.
I
am in deep reverence and a more profound connection to my Work than
ever
ever ever in my life. The Morgana archetype of my life's mythos
is
really being re-membered in all it's dimensia. The Fey are lurking
just
besides me and I have gone thru huge tests or owning Her Light and
her
unique Way to tread this land, between all the realms... This is the
time of Time's isn't it?
Again, This IS the MOST beautiful place I have ever ever ever been in
my
life. I want to live here after my book is successful and have a child
here. I want to have a few god-fathers for HER ~ yes I keep thinking
it
is a girl.
I have gone thru so so many changes in the past 2 weeks, it is unreal.
The cottage ON Chalice Hill--the woman who runs it is very organic,
has
a long garden that runs into the hill. She is in her 50s and
just went
thru menopause. She is Aquarian, into the goddess, studied Bridgit
in
the celtic religion for years but recently is more into shamanism.
She
has good energy but she is kinda dirty; I told her I like to clean
and
she thought that was nice. My room has a desk right below the
window
and it feels like a writers room.... again, Kelly you are here also.
And you too Donna. Don't worry. It is being re-threaded
this time,
okay? You know.
~ ~ ~ ~
ok, here are some entries from my journal, notes for the BOOK ~
25 June 99
Last night at the Central London Marriot w/ an old beloved kin soul
mate, taking my afternoon bath while he napped, I was reading the
Templar Revelation again and the chapters on Heresy and The Footsteps
of
the Magdalene, to prep my list of mystery sites to visit on my planned
pilgrimage to my lineage's homeland on Her Feast Day 22 July !!! and
my
traveling brother Aya had asked for the umpteenth time for my wish
list... I realized it was June 24th, as I was reading the book
about
France, in London, and it is the exact date of John the Baptist's Feast
Day !!!! the true Christ, anointed One ~ his majickal grail head,
Leonardo's true Resurrection on the PHOTOGRAPHed shroud ~ wow.
And Vic
and his team were on their way to Nice for the weekend, yes, the SOUTH
OF FRANCE... his new CMO is his best friend of 2 years, they are into
their own take on Alchemy. How they met is the boat John sold
Vic 2
years ago name. John resurrected it ~ now it is considered one
of the
most beautiful in Marina Del Rey ~ Vic just passed 'her' on to a new
pilgrim that they feel also needed it's phoenix energy. They
told the
story at dinner last night of how on a hand shake and a deep male
brother trust John gave Her to Vic, with no cash and an extended payment
plan, as he was going thru his own transformation, being cash poor
but a
millionaire on paper... Vic just did the same with another seeking
brother.. and I see how She continues to weave new civics and the
economy of fore-givingness into the realms of sailing and men and the
sea. Isadora Beach, flight, sail, mermaid, Aphrodite, Morgana
was a sea
goddess in Greece also.... Now the literal and mythic living of sailing
is the mapped waters of these Aquarian bonded soul brothers.
They link
in to the winding mythos again and again.
Last night they ended up asking me to France with them !!!!
And here I am on the plane from Heathrow to Nice on a BA flight and
Vic
and John and another John -- they keep talking about all the Johns
on
their team -- the Baptist again.... I am so in awe of this story....
--
they are on BD, another plane... so I speak to this man next to me
named
Michael Lewis, who is a model world walker... we speak of cells
transforming and how the body makes mistakes when duplicated... more
on
this I write below... gemonics, the body catches its mistakes,
Life
keeps REMEMBERING ~~~ Immortality is the absence of all forgetfulness...
Deity lands in this realm and awareness is self knowing SELF.
resonance, harmony, sound, light ~ I can see X-rays on the Land Lines
and I see the Web of my flight and plight and return return return.
I
return to this still center POINT ~ ~ Michael Lewis wants a copy
of my
book. He is reading 2 autobiography's now printed in one volume
called
"OUT OF THIS CENTURY" and "CONFESSIONS OF AN ART ADDICT" by Peggy
Guggenheim. Michael agrees with Ming about my narrative Voice
in my
book is to really write like the quirky flow of my authentic speech,
and
Michael explains that Guggenheim's own voice is poignant and quite
rich
and vastly entertaining reading because she is that true to herself
and
her Bohemian early life woven with a great history/ herstory of art,
as
one of the largest private collections of art. She is also the
quest
and has landed Her wisdom into an owning of it all.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Now clips from today's letter:
I want to thank all who have helped me on this process - Ming, Jay,
Alan, Tecia, Kelly, Jaimi, my parents ~ for EVERYTHING you have
done
for me. I really appreciated the help in getting over here and
the
chance to get so clear with mySelf and why I am here, in Life, what
my
deepest mission is. I am really finally ready for success and
bliss and
joy to reign in my life and for me to truly feel safe in this world
of
men and strange beasts, but that I am here to bring my little slices
of
heaven and light, but grounded and truthful to the vulnerabilities
of
human nature. I feel safer to be sensitive and just MYSELF.
I had an amazing EPIPHANY from renewing my friendship with the old
friend, Vic, who I am here with; he has always said that I have been
a
catalyst for his life--> how it was me that really broke up his marriage
and created his whole life's transformation, cuz it was me that lived
w/
his old Skynet VP in Manhattan Beach, me that got his ex-lover and
my
ex-best friend Amy to move to LA and me that got her the job at Skynet,
and it was me who helped her through their really bad years together
where Amy was nearly suicidal. If it weren't for that, he says
that he
never would have fallen in love with Amy and found his vulnerable self
and gotten humbled and found his strength and passion for life ~ and
if
it weren't for that his ex-wife and best friend,Therese never would
have
found her true Darmah and now she is so happy and rich in her life
without being just a wife, now she is a powerful woman, a doctor of
acupuncture, has her own product lines and is really happy. Natice
their first born is now 13 years old~~ I cant believe that.
I met them
when they were 5 and 3 years old, nine years ago!! He says Genevieve,
now 11, is an amazing actress--she always reminded me of myself, but
is
being brought up in a world that acknowledges majickal faery
children..... Vic's company Skynet is public and just bought
Pony
Express in the States; Vic is CEO of the whole worlds' operations;
there
is this gentleman here w/ us that Vic just hired, John Luft, that Vic
met 2 years ago and now they are like best friends. John was
a top exec
w/ Hilton for 15 years and is very sophisticated and brilliant.
They
have this whole thing about sailing as an allegory to life. And
alchemy, which means transformation, to them, and is the name of the
boat that brought them together. Vic just gave the same boat
to some
other guy that is out of sorts, in the same spirit. THey believe
the
boat changed both of their life's for the better, in all ways, like
the
phoenix, it resurrected their spirits. Vic now lives on his new
43
footer in the Marina, and Therese and the kids live in Malibu on a
10
acre estate, and they just got Natice a horse for her birthday.
... So my point is that Vic is also a catalyst in my life. He
is a
mirror of who I really am. He has been one who has seen my brilliance
and nature, though we have been quite different peoples, thru his
experience w/ Amy he was able to appreciate people for who they are.
He
reminds me of mySelf on a deeper paralleled level. We have this
strange
bond that is like he is my karmic son. I do not need anything
from him
and I just want him to be happy. But the way he uses his power
and
strength is like a mirror to my own life. I get on better with
strange
eccentric individuals like Vic and Danny Z, another eccentric man who
is
wealthy but doesn't play by dictated rules--versus those stuck in their
mediocre lives, struggling to 'get by' and just follow the maze.
It is the Vics and the Daniels in my life that have served me well,
cuz
they have created their own success and passion in life and they both
believe in me and that I must be committed to a meaningfully life at
all
costs and have really encouraged me at just the right moments to GO
FOR
IT ~ like his amazing man I met flying into Nice and he pointed out
Eden
Roc to me and Cannes and Monaco. He was flying with his wife
and 3
beautiful children, and we spoke on philosophy and civilization.
I have
come full circle back to this place of remembering the 16 year old
in me
that has FAITH in humanity and an innocence in the pure IDEALISM Of
America and the FUTURE. All the conspiracy stuff I did need to
learn
for sure but now it is all in perspective. The secret meetings
between
Powers aren't all necessarily bad, it is learning to appropriate energy
and advance life and civilization. I spoke w/ that man on the
BA flight
coming in and we said it is like our own lives: how we have the whole
truth and the templates of our full potential, our 'god self', and
like
the human body (he is in the benevolent side of bio-technology) the
cells know a blueprint but sometimes get it wrong and that is why we
get
sick and age. I talked about the studies on the heart with Dan
Winter,
Stan Tennon, etc, and yes the potential is the immortals, yet in the
unfolding paradox and mystery of humanity the grit and stuff that
creates the quirkiness is the process of re-membering, the template,
like the cells and the dna. The heart finding it's own resonance,
etc.
The Self remembering it-self. I see that the lower mythology
of our
personal microcosmic life like the powers of the world, that there
is a
benevolent intent to actualize our potential and then there are the
shadow energies of greed and destruction. But as we keep going
full
circle we realize that the template, the Mind that dreamed this all
up,
is always remembering it's greatest intent, which is to LIVE.
Vic has a friend Ian-something, that just wrote a best seller called
NAZI GOLD. ... and Vic said he will introduce me to him to help me
on my
book. Smile. See, everything happens for a reason.
There is a reason
that I called him. He said if I hadn't had called him and asked
for
FORGIVENESS for my old debt to him, that he never would have known
I was
in Europe ~~~ the Magdalene blood in me is so so happy here.
It is a
tremendous deep source of beauty that will always leave me breathless;
it is beyond words, my beloveds~~~ They are in meetings most
of the
weekend as they are buying a local company so that they can ship to
the
Film Festivals better. I am buying my time alone then, by hanging
out
and talking to french girls in the shops. I learned how to part
my hair
like a french girl which is a zig zag with barrettes on the side.
When
I was little I watched Lace miniseries w/ Phoebe Cates and I wanted
so
bad to live in france and wear little hats and lacy socks. heheh.
And
now I am here.
When I saw the French Alps from the plane I wept.
Vic and I talked a little about Amy, my old best friend who has blamed
me for her inability to own her choices in her life... We both
have
always agreed that the day she realizes that I have never wanted to
hurt
her and that I always supported her, really much more than anyone in
her
life, is the day she will forgive herself, and that she has gotten
real. Until then she is projecting out blame rather than realizing
what
truth lies between us, her denial of me is like a reflection of her
own
self hate. It makes me sad, and Vic... I want her to find what
Vic has
found. In another dimension I see them together and happy.
Maybe for
Vic it will be this French girl Sonya that he is admiring from afar,
she
waited on us last night. With Vic and Amy I really have accepted
my
scapegoated self and I have a great Trust that the circles will be
realigned and re-cognized as the truth of our little dance in concert
with the role of forgiveness and great understanding and compassion...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
more journal notes:
Everything is peeling away
secrets fears
out with it
scrape it off
shed new sin
Morphogenesis
I made it, lords and ladies
of the frolicking forests
out of the wilderness
I shall hoe a pastoral middle ground now.
as I write this I am landing into Nice
Michael shows me Cannes and Monaco
Saint Trapeze
Beautiful day, he says, the water is like glass
again Crater Lake and Glastonbury
and now the Northern Med. Coastline, saw it into Egypt in 95 ~
he says, perfect for sailing, yes and Vic and John have this sailing
symbolism going ~
tears on my cheek ~
and so I told Michael's 5 year old named JONATHAN I was crying of joy
pure child's heart of bliss
Jonathan said he is a wizard
and I was an alien queen, oh no don't tell Dan Winter ~ he he ~
cuz my finger turned acid green from the copper shield for
blood purification ~
Michael's oldest Jackie is 11, she is stunningly beautiful
in the sweetest way like Jennifer Wilson
she is reading her aunt's old old book
'The Princess and the Goblins"
and the middle child AMY (the Vic-link) is * 8 * years old.
Michael says she has no fear and is the naughtiest child he has ever
met.
will say anything she wants no matter what
~ he finds it unreal the diff between the souls of his children, just
like mom and auntie linda and I talk of, like Ben and Erin's Morgan
and
Madeline.
Michael his wife and 3 children live in London and are en route to
his
sister's 50th birthday party in Nice.
I HAVE MADE IT OUT ALIVE
THIS IS MY ANTHEM
THIS TIME, MUCH MORE~
I AM BLISSED OUT
Benevolence is the consciousness of civilization
ultimately
the sleeping years wane
and threads of glory and idealism are pulled
tighter today in this hour approaching 2000.
the bug finds the cure.
I am returning to more patterns
Michael is a benevolent Judaic father,
I tell him of Zatcheria Sitchin and
of course The Templar Revelation ~
it is all about Egypt and the
Gateway to the Gods on Giza Plateau
and Deities from the Stars
we are made of that stuff
stardusts
wishes upon the stars
who we were, we are, we remember in the
god-cranium of the pineal and pituitary glands
secretions of the body of humanity
pours through all this journeys meanings ~
Michael is in biotechnology and is
sworn to do no evil.
ancient future trekie.
he is going to get the Templar Rev, he says.
we laugh of man's false churches of
dogma religion
and still it is the shadow of the birthing
of this thread, this swinging door,
this reality of the multi multi
spherical memory of all the worlds
upon
whirls ~ ~ ~
Hotel de Cap on Eden Roc, Nazi headquarters ~
oh my sweet Goddess
Antibes, the old village of Nice
I see it's CASTLE.
I tell the sweet Jackie
who's reading about
the first goblin....
Splendor in the land
will be restored
yes, Camelot
in Glastonbury I met Palden Jenkins
he is like Ming and Marco
sees that D. Ike forgets the
sandwhiching effect of the Light
and the quest of Power to
be appropriate
the initiated ones hold the court
egalitarian
Atlas Shrugged
inevitably yes.
A GREAT RETURN TO THE IDEALISM
I had at 16
my mother believed in JFK and ML KING, jr.
I still do, Kelly.
The remembering of a primal land,
Camelot is real and
power is honed by the holders of it.
Morgana and Magdalene
inevitably learns the balance of
walking in the defracted realms of
power plays
to trust St. Bridget's job
in the Church of Rome.
I must move from
The Roman Way and Joseph's staff.
to the Cup of Joy
Horn of Plenty
and rustic grace charm and cottage life ~
to find the castles I will visit
from needed time to time.
Pendragons.
My new flatmate to be
studies Bridget's lineage
in the Celtic Church.
Kelly's doll is being sewn in San Diego
I will have an apple doll
paint garden write
and link in with you all
and I realize I am an actress also
always was, right mom?
organized directed and stared
in group games
away from the Others in the playground
the trees held the threshold of my
hidden fair stages.
Human Potential cynicism has it's place
yet now the larger picture
remaps and
sangraal
my sweet grail vessel
of Her body in Mine.
I WILL WRITE THIS TALE
I WILL EXPRESS THIS LIFE
looking on the lines of Chalice Hill
and grazing white sheep.
it all comes together
for me
~
Michael wants a copy of the book
he sees my mind wrap
the threads
Vic and John say I am exasperating
in a positive way
always so ON ~
wow wow
ohhhhh
Don't censor or tame it, Michael says
he says my expression is fascinating
and entreating like Peggy G's book.
my nuances and quirkiness
yes ride this sensuous wave
of my light
life
brilliance
illumination
worth
the rights of one's own truth
Lili in Lace
was abandoned
my passion and connection with
French fashion
lush Magdala lacy dreamy
determined
abused phoenix
she rose out
of her
story of shame
redemption
I taped it and
it fueled my wrath
misdirected toward my paternal father
I wrote a letter to him at 17
but at 21 wrote to my real dad Tom Solheim
and acknowledged who fathered me
tho there is karma in the blood
that is the song
the French and Cherokee nations
Gaul, Graal ~ bird tribes.
Magdalene returns to the world of men
to serve Her
and anoint Him
and carry the Flame.
I will not accept scarcity fears worries
I will embrace them as they rise
and rededicate rededicate
to LIfe's Radiance.
This Earth of mine.
This body of the Mother's
shall be rejoiced.
A long deep orgasm
expounds
expands in my zest
the exhaling winds of this world
this French soil.
A return of the ARTIST
A DEEP INGESTION
OF THE SWEETEST
TITILLATING
REALITIES
BEAUTIFUL ECSTATIC
TWISTING
FAITH
FATE
DESTINY
~
A LIFE OF
WORTH
AND OF
SUCH SUCH
PASSION.
Just phoned home proud of this new light.
As the solstice wanes
me forth to the dark
yet the Illumined Mind
the Chi in the Great Void
is awake full rich
and in great
AWE.
~ ~
"TO LIVE IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE LIKE A KING'
the bartender tells me, he is from Holland.
so for 2 days this Queen who I Am, rises to that saying of old.
I am in the bar of Juana Hotel
80 meters from the Mediterranean Sea
in Juan Les Pins, a small town
25 kilometers sw of Nice
en route to Cannes.
I will live here one day.
Kelly I think you should come here and live also.
LOVE TO LIFE
LOVE TO ALL
MERCI BEACON = thank you very much
Bon Jour
Jewely
***************
*
in the Name of Self,
*8*
I surrender eternally & lovingly as
* 0 *
The be-Jeweled Cosmic-Fire,
* * 7 * *
* * *
choosing to embody Now as
13
Priestess of MorgAphDalenIs ~ ~
*
~reMembering the Light of the World in Form~
*******************
Jewel/ Julie L. Solheim
co-founder
SYNCHRONICITY NETWORKS, INC.
http://seizethemagic.com
founder
THE LIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE
http://legionsoflight.com